Entry for July 13, 2007

[I have written this entry for quite sometime… but I am posting it right now… don’t mind)

No comments and replies to my blog posts feel somewhat familiar to me. It’s like preparing for that presentation whole night and watching your lecturer yawning when you are delivering your finest presentation. Some things in life are too de-motivating and boring. Like no comments on this blog and yawning of my lecturer (Update: 24, October 2009 ha ha ha it was Mr. Manish Bhatia)

Life is taking its toll on me now. For the last 3 days I was bogged down with the monster of the result of the first semester. That seems to be the only nightmare. Giving exams is fine but the results are not. But then Newton said, to every action there is equal and opposite reaction. I was informed by a friend that result is coming in 2-3 days. That information followed various changes in my mental setup.

I was reportedly found asking questions like, “What’s the procedure for filling re-appear forms?” to “How much a single-bed cost per day in campus clinic?” I thought I may need any of them, in any case I want to be totally prepared. To be honest, I was afraid. I had this fear that I may not be able to make it to the clear passed students list.

Good life = Good luck

For me, sometime now, the left part of the equation doesn’t seem to work right at all. So, I was afraid a little bit. My relations with mathematics can be compared with that of Pakistan with India (not good at all, much of hype and promises for the improvement, but no to avail) I was afraid I might not get passed in the math exam. Everything was fine until my lecturer told us that over all performance of the whole class were not so good. That was the period of great distress for me. From loose motions to instant constipation was what I was suffering from. I think waiting for the result is like to be pregnant – lot of pain and a wait that seems to never end, but when the wait ends it gives fruitful result.

I had many results in my life, of my 10 th standard, Senior Secondary etc. I was not afraid then. But I was afraid of this first semester result. As it would decide my fate for a peculiar reason and it is the stepping stone for climbing up the corporate ladder. But what my colleagues would think of me… that I was a failure in basic mathematics. I am such an idiot, which you already know. Thinking is what keeps me going. I was just thinking that they might put up a big notice on the board that “Raghav*, has flunked in math, everyone else has got a university position” or they might announce the result of everybody except me giving stupid reasons like it got burnt, cow ate it, my detailed marks sheet was used as toilet paper by someone in the college wash rooms. I am an idiot.

I dreamt that when I see my result I raise my left eye brow, put my finger on the chin and smile, “I AM THE KING”. I want to yell with happiness, like the people do when they get to know that there wife is pregnant. But I was afraid. I might have to yell with utter disappointment, like the people do when they get to know that their girl friend is pregnant.

Anyway, after lot of anticipation and wait the result was put up on the board at 3 pm in the evening. Before I could get my eyes onto the result I had to cope up with another round of inferior complexity syndrome. Why god doesn’t give me 6 ft height? Due to my shortness (of height) I was not able to figure out where my name was. But my friend informed me that I have passed. Only 11 students of 120 were able to clear pass without flunking in any subject. I was one of them. I secured 69%, 414 marks. Of math, I got passing marks of 24 out of 60. 4 grace marks, of course.

I wanted to celebrate it, but no celebrations as usual. I wanted to open the champagne and drink a lot of it. Dance like hell. But no one at home noticed my great achievement. Inside my heart, I patted, appreciated and felt happy myself.

One challenge of my life has been tackled, but the next challenge is haunting me already. How on this earth I would convince my colleagues at work place that I am an expert in math and never passed with grace marks? Some things in life look so simple but are extremely important. Like if I throw a pin at you, what would you do? Here is hint: run like hell I have got a grenade in my mouth.

*Raghav means me, the proud owner of this blog, if you don’t know already.

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